A TOEFL integrated essay on online encyclopedias

This is another example of a TOEFL integrated essay. The subject is on online encyclopedias. The reading passage challenges their credibility for reasons mentioned in the essay below, while the lecture defends them as viable sources of information.

The class was given 3 minutes to read the text, after which we listened to the lecture. Then everyone wrote their essays within the 20-minute time limit. This essay was written during this 20-minute writing exercise.

WRITING TASK: Summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they oppose the specific points made in the reading passage.

ESSAY:

This set of materials talks about the validity of communal online encyclopedias. While the reading questions the trustworthiness of these online publications by mentioning errors in the articles, problems with hacking, and lack of editorial decisions on which subjects should be given more weight, the listening defends these online encyclopedias by countering the points made in the reading.

The first point mentioned in the text is that online encyclopedias lack credentials because anyone can contribute and make changes to the articles. It points out that traditional encyclopedias, on the other hand, are only written by experts making their articles more credible. The professor in this listening passage, however, disagrees with the text and mentions that traditional encyclopedias are never really perfectly accurate in the first place, and in fact, the errors found in online encyclopedias can easily be corrected giving the articles their updated information.

The second point mentioned in the text is online encyclopedias' vulnerability to hacking. The reading reminds us that since anyone can contribute and make changes to articles, hackers and vandals can easily compromise the content by correcting or adding information that is completely wrong or false. The professor, on the other hand, states that the crucial sections of articles in online encyclopedias are actually in read-only formats and are therefore protected from hacking. In addition to this, she adds that there are special editors that monitor changes in these encyclopedias to eliminate any malicious or false information.

Third, the reading points out that the topics covered in online encyclopedias are given equal weight, and that there is a lack of editorial decision-making involved in giving more significant subjects more importance than trendy or popular topics. The professor, on the other hand, insists that this variety of subjects is actually an advantage, and that the reason that traditional encyclopedias have to give more importance to some subjects is their lack of space.

-- Joe Yu, ESL instructor

Level 4 writing exercise: 3rd person singular

This is the key to the writing exercise on page 24 of the Level 4 textbook New Beginnings: A Complete English Course. In this exercise, students first read a journal entry about someone's observations regarding people in the United States. Students then have to copy the journal entry and change "people in the United States" to "Dolores." In doing so, they also need to make necessary changes to the pronouns and verbs in the article.

Dolores has a lot of different customs. For example, her eating habits are very different from ours. She usually takes only a half hour or an hour for lunch, and she almost never goes home at lunchtime. She eats her big meal in the evening. She usually has dinner around six or seven o'clock, but she sometimes eats as early as 5:30 p.m.

Dolores has different ways of greeting people. For example, she always shakes hands when she meets a person for the first time, but she seldom shakes hands with good friends or people at work. Women sometimes don't shake hands at all in social situations, but Dolores' female friends usually do.


-- Joe Yu, ESL instructor

A TOEFL integrated essay on social promotion

For this writing task, the class read a short passage in three minutes then listened to a talk on the same topic. The reading passage is on page 497 of the Longman Preparation Course for the TOEFL. The students then answered a question in the form of an essay. The following essay was written within the 20-minute time limit during the writing exercise. As always, note the organization and how each paragraph focuses on a single topic.

QUESTION: How do the ideas in the listening passage challenge the ideas in the reading passage?

ESSAY:

The reading and the listening passages discuss the idea of ending social promotion, the practice of allowing students who are not doing well to move up to the next grade. The reading presents the problem experienced by the Hamilton School District and the solution the district thought would solve the problem. The listening, on the other hand, discusses the negative results of the district's attempt to end this problem. In short, the district didn't succeed in eliminating the problem.

The reading passage talks about the practice of social promotion at one particular school district, the Hamilton School District, and the fact that it led to a high drop-out rate among its students. In an attempt to solve this problem, the district decided to test students before they were allowed to advance to the next level. Because testing students at the end of each year was not feasible, the district decided to test the students at the end of the 6th grade, before they moved on to junior high.

By implementing this strategy, the district expected to see three positive results. One result would be that social promotion would end since teachers would not have a good reason to promote students who will eventually be held back after the 6th grade. Another result the district expected to see was that students would be more prepared to study in junior high and high schools. Last, the district expected that more students would graduate high school since they would be ready for the difficult material in the higher grades.

The listening passage, on the other hand, reveals that the district's attempt failed. First, they found that social promotion didn't end in the lower grades, which had negative consequences when it came to testing them after the 6th grade. Second, there were as many students who were unprepared before the testing program was implemented, and third, they found that the drop-out rate, in fact, increased. As it turned out, more students were held back and they were so unprepared for junior high school that many were held back at least twice. This caused discouragement among the students and many of them dropped out.

In summary, the program failed, and as a result, the school district ended it after 10 years.  

This example essay was written by Joe Yu, ESL instructor.

IS IT CORRECT? - 7 - It's more better.

All language learners around the world make mistakes. Have you ever felt your teacher’s corrections do not have a long-lasting effect? Are you frustrated that even though your teacher corrects you, once you leave the class you keep making the same mistakes? We understand how you feel and will help you eliminate mistakes you might be making. The purpose of this section is to address common mistakes many students from different countries make in English and briefly explain why they are incorrect. Once you understand why they are incorrect, it might be easier for you to avoid them!
 

 

 MISTAKE:  It’s more better.

CORRECTION:  It’s much better.

Although communicative (everyone will understand what you mean) and unambiguous (no one will be confused about what you mean), this phrase is simply incorrect English. Here is why.

If you want to compare two objects, people, animals, or ideas we need to form a comparative adjective. You probably already know that "good" is an irregular adjective, and its comparative form is "better". 

Regular adjectives follow these rules:

1)   almost all one-syllable adjectives, and some two-syllable ones need -er at the end. Example: long - longer, hard - harder, happy - happier, etc.

2)   most two-syllable adjectives and all adjectives of three or more syllables need "more" in front of them. Example: careful - more careful, important - more important, beautiful - more beautiful, etc.

YOU CANNOT use "more" to emphasize an adjective that is already comparative, like "better". For the same reason you cannot say “more longer” or “more happier”

YOU SHOULD say: It's better. or  It's much better. You will say "much better" if you want to say that you strongly prefer one of the object/people/ideas.

Feel free to e-mail me if you have other grammar questions.

Ania Necakov - Academic Coordinator NYLC Jackson Heights

ania@nylanguagecenter.com

A TOEFL independent essay on leadership

For the independent essay on the TOEFL, test takers are asked to express their opinions on the topic asked. After reading the question, they have 30 minutes to write a unified and organized essay about the topic. Test takers should spend the first three minutes planning and making a rough outline and leave 3 minutes in the end to edit their work.

This writing task is from page 498 of the Longman Preparation Course for the TOEFL and was written within the 30-minute time limit during a writing exercise. Note the answer to the question in the introduction, the unified body paragraphs explaining the answer, and the conclusion that reiterates but doesn't simply repeat the thesis statement.

QUESTION: What are the characteristics of a good leader? Give reasons and examples to support your response.

ESSAY:

I believe a good leader must be able to motivate his followers to accomplish each of their tasks the best way they know how. Second, I think a good leader must make his followers feel they are vital parts of the team and that their contributions are crucial in helping the team succeed. If a leader is able to accomplish these, he'll have a higher likelihood of succeeding in whatever task is at hand.

It's important for a leader to make a conscious effort to motivate his workers and make sure that everyone in his team is in the right mindset to accomplish a task because the success of the entire group depends on it. Individuals can easily stray from the task in many ways. They can suddenly come up with an idea that is different from the original concept and start to move in a different direction without even realizing it. The leader should monitor this, evaluate the situation, and lead this worker back on track.

In addition, workers can feel unenergetic or uncreative at times. A leader should be able to detect this and quickly remedy the situation in order to positively move the project in the right direction and maximize everyone's work output. This can be done by having an informal chat with these individuals and informally reminding them of the importance of their contribution and the importance of their dedication to the project.

Second, a leader must make everyone feel that they are an integral part of the team. Workers who feel disenfranchised can easily act in ways or move in directions that pull the entire group in the wrong direction. A leader has to show that he values everyone's input and make everyone feel that they are able to voice his or her opinion to a listening ear. This approachability not only allows workers to feel secure and valued at work, it also makes the workplace a pleasant environment where everyone is ready to do his or her best.

Having these leadership qualities will help the leader maintain a high morale among workers, and workers who feel good about their jobs and the work they are doing are more likely to give it their best effort. In the end, the result is a successful team accomplishing tasks with superior quality.


This example essay was written by Joe Yu, ESL instructor.