Doubting research on animal self-awareness: a TOEFL integrated essay

To practice writing a TOEFL integrated essay, students are given three minutes to read a short passage, after which they listen to a lecture related to the topic they just read about. They are then given 20 minutes to outline, write, and edit their essays. This particular exercise is from page 391 of "Delta's Key to the TOEFL iBT" preparation course book.

WRITING TASK: Summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they cast doubt on specific points made in the reading passage.

ESSAY:
The reading passage discusses the idea that chimpanzees have the ability for self-awareness by mentioning an experiment and its positive results. The lecture, on the other hand, casts doubt on this experiment and questions the validity of its results.

The reading explains how scientists used the "mark test" to determine that chimpanzees experience self-awareness. During this test, chimpanzees were allowed to get used to the presence of a mirror and play with it. The animals were then given sleeping pills, and one eyebrow and one ear were marked red while they were unconscious. The chimpanzees were then observed with and without the mirror after they woke up, and scientists recorded how they behaved in both situations. The results of the experiment showed that the animals touched their heads and faces significantly more when the mirror was in the room. In addition, the animals seemed to notice the red spots on their bodies, sniffing and examining their fingers after touching the spots. Furthermore, the animals groomed themselves and made faces in front of the mirror, which made scientists conclude that the chimpanzees were able to be aware of their image in the mirror.

The lecture, on the other hand, questioned the results of the above experiment. First, the professor mentions that the results were inconsistent since in one test, only one chimpanzee touched the red marks. This differed from the other times when most of the chimpanzees showed awareness of the marks on their eyebrows and ears. Second, the lecture says that chimpanzees routinely touch parts of their body and, therefore, can't be interpreted as being aware of their image in the mirror. In fact, one chimpanzee rubbed the marks off even before he saw himself in the mirror. Third, the lecture mentions that chimpanzees are known to groom themselves around each other. Grooming is a social activity among their species when they are in each other's presence. Grooming themselves in front of a mirror, therefore, doesn't necessarily mean that they recognize themselves. It may simply be a social response upon seeing another chimpanzee in the room.

-- written by Joe Yu, ESL instructor, during a writing activity in class

Fiction or Nonfiction: A TOEFL Independent Essay

This TOEFL independent essay is in response to the writing task on page 423 of the course book "Delta's Key to the TOEFL iBT" and was written in class during our writing practice exercise. The students were given 30 minutes to outline, write, and edit their own writing.

QUESTION: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more important for students to read books about real events than it is for them to read novels. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

ESSAY:
With very little free time on our hands these days, it's sometimes a challenge deciding which kinds of books to read. For example, are novels worth our time and effort more than books about real events? In my opinion, reading any book with good information and a potent message is a good choice. However, I think students are better off spending their time reading novels because of their entertainment value and because novels have their way of teaching that helps readers relate the message to their lives.

I like the entertainment value of novels especially because students usually have to read so much technical information for their classes. Reading novels allows them to escape reality while also teaching them about life and how to deal with problems and challenges. The characters in a novel often go through issues that seem unsurmountable in the beginning, and the reader is able to experience these challenges and witness how they are eventually dealt with or overcome. Hemingway's "The Old Man and the Sea," for example, shows how the main character wrestled with a huge fish and the elements in the open water, and as we are engaged in how the events unfold, we also learn about the character's tenacity and ability to master his environment and himself.

In addition, novels have a way of helping readers relate the book's message to their lives because the lives of the characters in novels, however strange, usually go through common human issues and dilemmas that are often easy to understand in an emotional or psychological level. Because of this, learning goes beyond intellectual knowledge and becomes deeper and, some might say, lasting because a story usually lingers in the reader's head long after he or she finishes reading a book. While the message is often indirect and expressed through the characters, its effect on the reader is often unmistakable and poignant. For example, in addition to being gripped by the old man's predicament in Hemingway's novel, we also learn about character and the writer's message about how to deal with the forces that we face in our lives.

Reading books about real events, while informative and also important for students, don't have the same effect that novels have. These books usually don't entertain their readers or take them to imaginary lands that seem strange or different while also helping readers understand themselves. In addition, books of nonfiction rarely take readers on a journey while at the same time help them understand their lives and their present circumstances.

written by Joe Yu, ESL instructor, during our writing activity in class.

Do actions speak louder than words?

This TOEFL independent essay question asks if you agree with a statement. Of course, it's always easier and safer during the test to agree or disagree based on what you personally believe. However, it's a good idea to practice by arguing for the opposite side. It exercises your reasoning skills and prepares you for questions on the TOEFL or on any test when you don't know which side to take. With practice, you will be able to take any side, whether you agree with it or not, and reason it well.

The following essay was written during a 30-minute writing exercise, and for practice, the writer argued for the side opposite what he believes. The thesis statement of the essay is in bold. In addition, the arguments, which should be mentioned in the introduction and as thesis statements in the body paragraphs, are underlined.

This question is from page 275 of the TOEFL preparation textbook by Longman.

ESSAY:

There's a common adage that says, "Actions speak louder than words," It gives the idea that a person can say anything, but if his actions convey the opposite, his words become invalid or irrelevant because his actions will have a stronger influence on others. While I agree with this saying, I also think that there are times when words, in fact, speak louder than actions. These happen during times after we've acted out on impulse such as during times of stress and also when someone's personality or habit says the opposite of what the person wants to convey.

One instance when our words speak louder than our actions is after we are angry or stressed. When we are upset, we may show annoyance at people or even express anger toward others. However, when the difficult moment has passed, we can correct these personal misdemeanors with our words, and without even explaning or apologizing, we can use the right words to show others the kind of person we really are, that we didn't mean to be rude, and that we are capable and in fact have a greater tendency to be kind. While some may disagree with this argument and counter that in fact our negative actions showed our true feelings at the moment, just like our positive actions when we began to feel better showed our good side. I would insist that words have power, and they have the ability to erase any of our momentarily negative actions.

Other times when I think words speak louder than actions is when a person's character comes through in his words despite his actions. One example is when a person conveys sarcasm. A person might be smiling or may act nice, but a hint of sarcasm in his voice can easily betray his good or kind actions. In addition, I've encountered people who simply look angry. However, once I've had the chance to talk to them, their kindness comes through in their words. Some people may describe someone's bark as being worse than his bite, which is often used to refer to a strict or intimidating person. This means that this person may look intimidating because of the way he conducts himself, but in fact, this person is actually quite nice and approachable once you get to know him.

There is no doubt that the saying "Actions speak louder than words" definitely has truth to it. However, there are instances where the opposite is definitely true. Words also have their way of communicating that can correct any mistake made in someone's actions, and it can show someone's real personality when a person's actions somehow show a different persona.


-- written by Joe Yu, ESL instructor

A TOEFL Integrated essay: The Turing Test

This essay is in response to the integrated writing task in Model Test 2 of the Barrons TOEFL textbook, 14th edition. During the exercise, students read the reading passage for 3 minutes, after which they listened to part of a lecture on the same topic. We spent 2 minutes to jot down a quick outline, then we wrote for 20 minutes.

Students are encouraged to keep organization in mind. The thesis statement, which is essentially one's answer to the writing task, has to be clear, and each paragraph has to be unified.

ESSAY:

In this set of materials, the reading talks about the Turing Test, which is supposed to determine whether a computer is able to think, while the professor in the listening passage discusses the ability of the computer to answer questions but casts doubt on the idea that any computer can show intelligence even if it passes the test.

The Turing Test, described in the reading, is based on the idea that a computer is determined to be able to think if it can answer questions from a group of people without these people knowing that they were talking to a computer. The test involves the group of people typing or saying questions from one room and waiting for an answer from another room. The people asking the questions don't know whether they are talking to a person or a computer. If in the end, the group thinks that a person had been answering their questions or if they couldn't decide, the computer is said to have passed the Turing Test, which means that it is determined to able to think. Incidentally, no computer has met the challenge and passed the test.

In the listening, the professor questions the validity of the Turing Test by pointing out that a computer's ability to answer questions correctly has nothing to do with its intelligence but in its ability to access a huge reference to come up with the right answer. The professor uses an example of a monolingual English speaker who doesn't speak any Chinese and says that if this English speaker has to answer questions from the Chinese person, though he wouldn't be able to understand a word, if the English speaker had a database which he could refer to, it would in fact be possible for him to give a correct answer. The professor then explains that a computer could do the same thing and when a computer is able to answer correctly with the resources that it has, it would only be displaying its behavioral ability, not its intelligence. He also adds that, in this case, the computer would only be acting intelligent without being intelligent.


This sample essay was written by Joe Yu, ESL instructor, during the 20-minute writing exercise in class.

Integrated essays on our "fight or flight" mechanism

This integrated essay for the TOEFL is on the "fight or flight" response of human beings. The reading passage presents a standard definition and explanation of this mechanism, while the lecture mentions enlightening new observations revealing that men and women, in fact, react to danger and stress differently.

The following two essays are examples of how test takers can approach this task. The first one covers the text first, then mentions the points made in the lecture. The second one (you may have to click continue) goes right into the listening and contrasts the points made by the professor with those found in the text.

This exercise is on page 426 of DELTA'S Key to the TOEFL iBT Advanced Skill Practice textbook.

TASK: Summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they differ from specific points made in the reading passage.

FIRST ESSAY:

This set of materials talks about the "fight or flight" mechanism in humans. The reading mentions the various ways we react to stressful situations, while the listening adds to the information, explaining that men and women actually deal with negative situations differently.

According to the reading, our fight or flight mechanism allows us to either deal with a problem head on or flee from it if the problem is too large or difficult to handle. A surge of adrenaline is released in our bodies that triggers this response which leads us to attack someone physically or engage someone in a verbal argument if we decide to fight. On the other hand, if we determine fleeing to be the better choice, we withdraw from the situation by leaving the space and avoid people or engage in habits that separate us from society. This can take the form of drug or alcohol abuse.

The lecture, on the other hand, mentions that the fight or flight response actually only refers to men. The professor points out that most of the research done on this mechanism has been done on men, and there is growing evidence that women react to stress differently. Some scientists say that while men engage in fight or flight behavior, women respond to stress by tending and befriending. As an example, scientists noticed that in their workplace, men who encountered stress tended to verbally attack another person and leave the room, while women who were stressed, tended to clean the lab to deal with the mess. In addition, instead of running away, they tended to sit down and talk to a colleague about their predicament. Women, the scientists noticed, avoided fights and were more apt to diffuse the situation by seeking advice and turning to colleagues for help.

A TOEFL integrated essay on online encyclopedias

This is another example of a TOEFL integrated essay. The subject is on online encyclopedias. The reading passage challenges their credibility for reasons mentioned in the essay below, while the lecture defends them as viable sources of information.

The class was given 3 minutes to read the text, after which we listened to the lecture. Then everyone wrote their essays within the 20-minute time limit. This essay was written during this 20-minute writing exercise.

WRITING TASK: Summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they oppose the specific points made in the reading passage.

ESSAY:

This set of materials talks about the validity of communal online encyclopedias. While the reading questions the trustworthiness of these online publications by mentioning errors in the articles, problems with hacking, and lack of editorial decisions on which subjects should be given more weight, the listening defends these online encyclopedias by countering the points made in the reading.

The first point mentioned in the text is that online encyclopedias lack credentials because anyone can contribute and make changes to the articles. It points out that traditional encyclopedias, on the other hand, are only written by experts making their articles more credible. The professor in this listening passage, however, disagrees with the text and mentions that traditional encyclopedias are never really perfectly accurate in the first place, and in fact, the errors found in online encyclopedias can easily be corrected giving the articles their updated information.

The second point mentioned in the text is online encyclopedias' vulnerability to hacking. The reading reminds us that since anyone can contribute and make changes to articles, hackers and vandals can easily compromise the content by correcting or adding information that is completely wrong or false. The professor, on the other hand, states that the crucial sections of articles in online encyclopedias are actually in read-only formats and are therefore protected from hacking. In addition to this, she adds that there are special editors that monitor changes in these encyclopedias to eliminate any malicious or false information.

Third, the reading points out that the topics covered in online encyclopedias are given equal weight, and that there is a lack of editorial decision-making involved in giving more significant subjects more importance than trendy or popular topics. The professor, on the other hand, insists that this variety of subjects is actually an advantage, and that the reason that traditional encyclopedias have to give more importance to some subjects is their lack of space.

-- Joe Yu, ESL instructor

Level 4 writing exercise: 3rd person singular

This is the key to the writing exercise on page 24 of the Level 4 textbook New Beginnings: A Complete English Course. In this exercise, students first read a journal entry about someone's observations regarding people in the United States. Students then have to copy the journal entry and change "people in the United States" to "Dolores." In doing so, they also need to make necessary changes to the pronouns and verbs in the article.

Dolores has a lot of different customs. For example, her eating habits are very different from ours. She usually takes only a half hour or an hour for lunch, and she almost never goes home at lunchtime. She eats her big meal in the evening. She usually has dinner around six or seven o'clock, but she sometimes eats as early as 5:30 p.m.

Dolores has different ways of greeting people. For example, she always shakes hands when she meets a person for the first time, but she seldom shakes hands with good friends or people at work. Women sometimes don't shake hands at all in social situations, but Dolores' female friends usually do.


-- Joe Yu, ESL instructor

A TOEFL integrated essay on social promotion

For this writing task, the class read a short passage in three minutes then listened to a talk on the same topic. The reading passage is on page 497 of the Longman Preparation Course for the TOEFL. The students then answered a question in the form of an essay. The following essay was written within the 20-minute time limit during the writing exercise. As always, note the organization and how each paragraph focuses on a single topic.

QUESTION: How do the ideas in the listening passage challenge the ideas in the reading passage?

ESSAY:

The reading and the listening passages discuss the idea of ending social promotion, the practice of allowing students who are not doing well to move up to the next grade. The reading presents the problem experienced by the Hamilton School District and the solution the district thought would solve the problem. The listening, on the other hand, discusses the negative results of the district's attempt to end this problem. In short, the district didn't succeed in eliminating the problem.

The reading passage talks about the practice of social promotion at one particular school district, the Hamilton School District, and the fact that it led to a high drop-out rate among its students. In an attempt to solve this problem, the district decided to test students before they were allowed to advance to the next level. Because testing students at the end of each year was not feasible, the district decided to test the students at the end of the 6th grade, before they moved on to junior high.

By implementing this strategy, the district expected to see three positive results. One result would be that social promotion would end since teachers would not have a good reason to promote students who will eventually be held back after the 6th grade. Another result the district expected to see was that students would be more prepared to study in junior high and high schools. Last, the district expected that more students would graduate high school since they would be ready for the difficult material in the higher grades.

The listening passage, on the other hand, reveals that the district's attempt failed. First, they found that social promotion didn't end in the lower grades, which had negative consequences when it came to testing them after the 6th grade. Second, there were as many students who were unprepared before the testing program was implemented, and third, they found that the drop-out rate, in fact, increased. As it turned out, more students were held back and they were so unprepared for junior high school that many were held back at least twice. This caused discouragement among the students and many of them dropped out.

In summary, the program failed, and as a result, the school district ended it after 10 years.  

This example essay was written by Joe Yu, ESL instructor.

IS IT CORRECT? - 7 - It's more better.

All language learners around the world make mistakes. Have you ever felt your teacher’s corrections do not have a long-lasting effect? Are you frustrated that even though your teacher corrects you, once you leave the class you keep making the same mistakes? We understand how you feel and will help you eliminate mistakes you might be making. The purpose of this section is to address common mistakes many students from different countries make in English and briefly explain why they are incorrect. Once you understand why they are incorrect, it might be easier for you to avoid them!
 

 

 MISTAKE:  It’s more better.

CORRECTION:  It’s much better.

Although communicative (everyone will understand what you mean) and unambiguous (no one will be confused about what you mean), this phrase is simply incorrect English. Here is why.

If you want to compare two objects, people, animals, or ideas we need to form a comparative adjective. You probably already know that "good" is an irregular adjective, and its comparative form is "better". 

Regular adjectives follow these rules:

1)   almost all one-syllable adjectives, and some two-syllable ones need -er at the end. Example: long - longer, hard - harder, happy - happier, etc.

2)   most two-syllable adjectives and all adjectives of three or more syllables need "more" in front of them. Example: careful - more careful, important - more important, beautiful - more beautiful, etc.

YOU CANNOT use "more" to emphasize an adjective that is already comparative, like "better". For the same reason you cannot say “more longer” or “more happier”

YOU SHOULD say: It's better. or  It's much better. You will say "much better" if you want to say that you strongly prefer one of the object/people/ideas.

Feel free to e-mail me if you have other grammar questions.

Ania Necakov - Academic Coordinator NYLC Jackson Heights

ania@nylanguagecenter.com

A TOEFL independent essay on leadership

For the independent essay on the TOEFL, test takers are asked to express their opinions on the topic asked. After reading the question, they have 30 minutes to write a unified and organized essay about the topic. Test takers should spend the first three minutes planning and making a rough outline and leave 3 minutes in the end to edit their work.

This writing task is from page 498 of the Longman Preparation Course for the TOEFL and was written within the 30-minute time limit during a writing exercise. Note the answer to the question in the introduction, the unified body paragraphs explaining the answer, and the conclusion that reiterates but doesn't simply repeat the thesis statement.

QUESTION: What are the characteristics of a good leader? Give reasons and examples to support your response.

ESSAY:

I believe a good leader must be able to motivate his followers to accomplish each of their tasks the best way they know how. Second, I think a good leader must make his followers feel they are vital parts of the team and that their contributions are crucial in helping the team succeed. If a leader is able to accomplish these, he'll have a higher likelihood of succeeding in whatever task is at hand.

It's important for a leader to make a conscious effort to motivate his workers and make sure that everyone in his team is in the right mindset to accomplish a task because the success of the entire group depends on it. Individuals can easily stray from the task in many ways. They can suddenly come up with an idea that is different from the original concept and start to move in a different direction without even realizing it. The leader should monitor this, evaluate the situation, and lead this worker back on track.

In addition, workers can feel unenergetic or uncreative at times. A leader should be able to detect this and quickly remedy the situation in order to positively move the project in the right direction and maximize everyone's work output. This can be done by having an informal chat with these individuals and informally reminding them of the importance of their contribution and the importance of their dedication to the project.

Second, a leader must make everyone feel that they are an integral part of the team. Workers who feel disenfranchised can easily act in ways or move in directions that pull the entire group in the wrong direction. A leader has to show that he values everyone's input and make everyone feel that they are able to voice his or her opinion to a listening ear. This approachability not only allows workers to feel secure and valued at work, it also makes the workplace a pleasant environment where everyone is ready to do his or her best.

Having these leadership qualities will help the leader maintain a high morale among workers, and workers who feel good about their jobs and the work they are doing are more likely to give it their best effort. In the end, the result is a successful team accomplishing tasks with superior quality.


This example essay was written by Joe Yu, ESL instructor.

A TOEFL integrated essay on Venus

This is another example of an integrated essay for the TOEFL. This was written within the 20-minute time limit during our writing task. For this essay, we first read a passage on the planet Venus on page 460 of the Longman Preparation Course for the TOEFL iBT. We read the passage in three minutes. After which, we listened to a lecture on the same topic. I often stress the importance of organization when it comes to writing. Students should spend the first two minutes to create a rough outline and leave 2 minutes in the end to edit their work.

Note the thesis statement in the introduction. Your thesis statement should answer the question. In this essay, I covered the reading passage in two paragraphs to clearly separate the two topics mentioned: the visibility of Venus from earth and the high temperatures on Venus. The last paragraph covers the information added from the listening.

QUESTION: How does the information in the listening passage add to the information in the reading passage?

ESSAY:

This set of materials discusses some characteristics of the planet Venus. The reading mentions the planet's visibility from earth, as well as its temperature. The listening adds to this information by giving a reason for Venus' high temperature.

In the reading passage, we learn that Venus is also referred to as both the Morning Star and the Evening Star because it shines brightly and can be seen from earth even when the sun is partially present at dawn and at dusk. We then learn that this is due to the presence of thick white clouds that reflect sunlight back to earth.

The reading also points out that the temperature on Venus is quite hot at 900 degrees Fahrenheit. Scientists learned this fact after one space probe that was able to send data back to earth before it was destroyed revealed this fact. The probe also revealed that the clouds on Venus, in fact, are composed of sulfuric acid, not carbon dioxide, and that they never part to allow any sunlight into the planet.

In the listening passage, the professor provides some insight on the extreme heat on Venus. She points out that this has nothing to do with its close proximity to the sun. Indeed, Mercury, which is closer to the sun, is cooler than Venus. The reason for its high temperature is that the atmosphere on Venus is made up of high amounts of carbon dioxide, which acts as a barrier. It traps the heat and prevents it from escaping, making the temperature on the planet intensely high.

This example essay is written by Joe Yu, ESL instructor.

A TOEFL Integrated essay on supernovae

This is an example of an integrated essay on the TOEFL (Test of English as a Foreign Language). This essay responds to the writing task on page 407 of the Longman Preparation Course for the TOEFL. Students have three minutes to read the passage on supernovae. They then listen to a lecture on the same topic and write their essays within the 20-minute time limit.

It's important to write a well-organized essay, to have a clear thesis statement, which is the answer to the question, and to convey how the listening relates to the reading. Students should spend 2 minutes in the beginning to prepare a rough outline and leave 2 minutes in the end to edit their work before time runs out.

QUESTION: How does the information in the reading passage contrast with the information in the listening passage?

ESSAY:

This set of materials talks about supernovae, a celestial phenomenon that occurs when a star explodes. While the reading discusses the type 1 supernova, the listening talks about the type 2 kind.

According to the reading, a type 1 supernova only occurs when two stars exist next to each other and one star becomes a white dwarf, which is a star that has shrunk and is on the verge of collapse. Its companion star, on the other hand, continues to grow and eventually has to stop expanding once it comes in contact with the white dwarf. When this happens, material from the large star transfers into the white dwarf, and when the white dwarf grows to a critical mass (1.4 times that of the sun), the white dwarf explodes. This explosion is called a supernova, and it has been seen by the naked eye twice in recorded history, but more has been observed since the invention of the telescope.

On the other hand, the listening describes a type 2 supernova. The lecturer mentions that in a type 2 supernova, only one star is involved. This star is in the process of dying. It has become massive; its core is getting hotter and hotter, and once it reaches its critical mass or ten times the size of the sun, it collapses and explodes in a thermonuclear reaction, which is also called a supernova event. According to the professor, the most famous type 2 supernova was observed in China and was visible to the naked eye for 23 days in daylight and for a period of about two years at night. In 1987, another type 2 supernova was observed. This one was said to have occured close enough to the Milky Way galaxy and was strong enough to be seen by the naked eye.


This sample essay was written by Joe Yu, ESL instructor.